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Every story I have heard regarding the hows and whys of what happened to put you in that wheel chair or crutch or struggling to carry four glasses of wine with a plate of mud crab on the lap, every story has been worthy of publishing. They are always incredible experiences, which for many brought them closer to life than they had ever been. I have told that same story so many times that for the last few years I have come to 'embellish' my own. There has been the fighter pilot seat ejection malfunction, the lion tamer falling off the stand above five hungry lions... and the pub story, where I and the maiden had fallen (on bed in prone motion) through three floors of badly dilapidated pub architecture, to be stopped with a sudden ground floor crack that just happened to be my spine voicing a crunch that screamed the sound of colliding neutrons.(very popular after last drinks are called).

In my daytime persona as an Arts teacher in High Schools mainly in remote Australian communities, many Aboriginal communities, the pleasure of these young student minds with their direct questions and truthful 'no holes barred' responses, is refreshing and honest. Whilst the teachers dance around getting to some notion of satisfying that curiosity of what made him a 'parapl...something or other' but at the forefront of investigative journalism high school staffroom style, 'Can he still get it up'. This usually comes out several times during late Friday evening staff drinks sessions which are progressively higher in volume, the more difficult the school, the less funded, the further remote...etc.

So I have come to a time when having repeated the story so many times, I am not the type to carry a ghetto blaster or Dictaphone with the story ready for play-back at the request of a drunken divorcée or inquisitive child. So it has become an adventurous past time to re-invent my sordid past with exciting and at times boring and homely replacement disasters, always trying to out do the last. And I have to say, the oohs, and ahhs are so dick dastardly addictive.

And to all those of you with tragic episodes filled with pain, and to some, like myself - regret.. why not push that beast to the side and enjoy the secret satisfaction of re-invention. I challenge all of you to present here, the most entertaining and extraordinary accounts of how you happened to attain your own personal modifications and figurative updates. 'Disability' is so last season...

 

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