Holliday blues

Every year around this time I get the blues, severe depression the say or at least thats what I call It. It wasn't so bad when I had someone In my life but the last 2 years since my gf left It came back to haunt me. Why this year seems to be more intense then others I don't know, maybe It's not depression I'm suffering with but instead a broken heart and a sense of loneliness but at the same time I want to have company, someone that calls or stops by, to talk to and yet I don't want anything to do with people even family.

I know It's not health to be a shut in or to isolate myself from the outside world but I can't help these feelings of being so alone, even now I want to reach out and make contact with my theropist but really can't afford to see him this month due to the hollidays. I know he would help me as he always does but at the same time I really don't want to go out in this cold or feel like walking the 3 or so miles to get there and back. I'm all but out of food and don't feel like walking to get more groceries, it took all my energy tonite to walk to the bank and get a little money so I have something to live off of till the next check comes, I'll manage with what little food I have till then, I always do besides I some how got off my diet and gained most of my weight back since my heart attack, again I'll manage to work it off some how.

So In the mean time If you don't see me on You know I'm home just don't care If I'm on line or not or feel up to being a burden or to bring anyone down. Been spending alot of time watching tv and puttering around the house and doing a few customs for friends around the world. This week If my energy picks up I plan on getting the airbrush out and doing some custom paint work on these customs and working on a few other ideas I've been putting off for so long. I may pop on and off as time permits, my main goal Is to get as much painting done as possible.